The art of seduction

I have never denied that ‘picking up chic’ is a hobby of mine.  I enjoy meeting ladies, setting up dates in different spots, possibly charming more than one at a time but I do it with dignity.  That dignity being a completely indulgent belief that every girl deserves a date with one Johnny Rubble Derek Whitehouse Willie Bee John Smith.  One of my major flaws as a person, and I make no qualms about it, is the innate lack of confidence I have in women finding me a compelling character over a long period of time.  Thus I prefer to live in the short term and keep my emotional insecurities at a distance.  Basically, I am a self loathing narcissist.  So, now that we have opened up a few psychological issues that compel me to write to prevent a personal breakdown we can begin the analysis of seduction from the keyboard of John Smith.

Firstly, you need to know yourself before you can know others.  No one wants to be dating Johnny Blow who thinks he’s Angelo Alpha unless you are Margaret Mangled pretending to be Femme Fatale (she changed her name because she’s such a pornstar/fake.)  Through my formative years I wanted to be that footballing demigod that the bigwigs looked up to, with a penchant for acting in big productions and staging monologues on the main oval for the entire school community to see.  Judging by how absolutely bone dry industry that is the footballer cum comedian cum West End actor this was always an implausible pathway to take.  Thus I have acknowledged that I am a quirky individual with bigger dreams than apparent reality or as others would put it, a fucking odd ball.  That’s fine with me because as you can see by my blog, I get all the chicks and you guys out there* can’t do nuttin’ to halt that.

Secondly, know her.  If you approach a girl and she is wearing a tight little black top and a short skirt with 25 centimetre high heels then you are probably searching in the wrong place.  I’m not saying that she’s obviously a slut because that is presumptuous and some girls like expressing themselves in different ways to but judging on the description of her clothing she is likely to be a stripper and thus off limits for your greasy mitts.  However, the only thing you hold over a girl you have just met is the basic observations; her clothing, her body language, what she’s drinking, who she is with.  As a principle, I don’t approach girls who are drinking bourbon, just a little thing I have, nothing personal (smelly box).  Some men are attracted to a girl who is controlling conversation, others prefer the cute girl who returns eye contact and whispers to her friend, there’s no right or wrong answer in these situations.  I believe that although you may experience some uncomfortable moments, you should test the waters with a broad spread of women when you are single.  As they say in the classics, opposites attract, so go for a 6′ 5′ Sudanese girl if you are a 5′ 2′ Italian or a bespectacled geek sitting with a book in the corner if you are a man with an IQ of 18.  It might just work for you.  Alright, it probably won’t, but sometimes surprises are fun.

Thirdly, play to your strengths/target who you are most attracted to.  I must digress and state that there are men out there who are gifted at attracting all types of women, namely very good looking men.  We can’t all be Lothario Jones so you’ve got to work to your strengths.  As I have previously mentioned, I am a quirky guy who likes singing to himself and dreaming up situations with a result that is most unlikely.  You know, like meeting a girl who turns out to be a multi-millionaire AND I’m still attracted to her personality!  Absurd.  I’ve been in situations where I started talking about my favourite novels on a dance floor.  Suffice to say the girl wasn’t thrilled and she turned her back but at least I stuck to my principles.  The same topic of conversation is generally more useful when you are sitting a bar table and the girl you are with is not interested in young boys who have their father’s credit card on them.  If you are good at adapting in conversation then try that.  If you want to stick to your pet subjects then find a girl who looks like she has been brought up by a dictator and has lost all sense of her own personality.  If you have large muscles, wear a tight shirt but please don’t take it off, that’s tacky.  If you are a particularly wealthy young man, shout the girl an exotic drink and pretend you only do it for ‘special girls’ …and shout the rest of the bar while you are at it, good karma.

Fourthly, don’t listen to the advice of others.  You might be sitting at your computer reading a blog named ‘The Art of Seduction’ and think, hey, this guy knows what’s up.  He does not know what is up but the fact that you have a raging hard and you really want to bring a girl back to your bachelor pad/your parents’ place.  Come on man, get out there! Be a gentleman, don’t get too involved too early and show her a good time.  Hold her hand, offer her a cab home, kiss her on the neck, whisper sweet nothings into her ear.  There aren’t enough men in the world who treat ladies well… at least for a night, the morning after is a completely different story.

*Okay, no one is reading this… and bragging over the internet makes me appear desperately compensating for something.



  1. Everyone is a ‘self loathing narcissist,’ looking for someone else to quash their self loathing and validate their narcissism. #love
    Kudos for the insight and thanks for the tips!

  2. A familiar tale, WB.
    Don’t lose the romance. It WILL pay off one day, as long as you have the confidence to own it for what it is: The thing that makes you remarkable, NOT weak or stupid.
    I wish I had had that confidence. Instead, I spent a wasted 20s hating myself for my perceived weakness, and feeling like everyone else was more valid than me. Pretty much living this song for over 10 years:

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